DVR is Killing Me.

"It will change your life."

That's been my mantra for the past year whenever anyone has asked me how I like having DVR.

I meant it. DVR is the mother of all inventions for the culturally fit. I no longer watch anything live. Hence, no more commercials. No more changing plans to sit in front of an inanimate object at a specific time. No more disgruntled hissy fits because I'm stuck at Aunt Bertie's 73rd birthday party instead of watching my favorite tv show.

But, things change. I still contend that DVR will change anyone's life. Only... I didn't think it would end mine.

What do I mean?

I can no longer watch sports live. I just can't do it. Especially, a football game. Three plays. 30 seconds of nothing between plays. Then, commercials for two minutes. Back from commercials. One play. Two more minutes of commercials. Back for four plays... 30 seconds between each play. More commercials.

Basketball is nearly as bad. Do you realize how boring free throws are? I don't. With DVR... I no longer remember. Shaq could be shooting 96% from the stripe for all I know. I never sit through a trip to the line.

I now wait two hours after kickoff/tipoff and tiptoe around the house; careful not to take calls from certain friends. I avoid other forms of media, e.g., Internet, radio, altogether.

All so I can watch the game later and fast forward through the fluff.

I have a disease. I feel like I'm in an old/new Twilight Zone episode. The greatest invention of mankind is destroying me.

Help.